There is no tomorrow, for it never comes. Yesterday is gone. You are spinning around on a ball we call Earth in a Galaxy that we don't understand, in an infinite Universe. This moment here right now is all you have.
To try and detach yourself from the reality of the moment by taking drugs is to abdicate your responsibility to yourself. If you start drinking right now, when will your life come back together? In a day? Two days? A week? More?
How much damage will you do once you start? How long will it be until you come back to your senses?
I know that it takes me a week to recover from a binge drinking session. That's if I don't fire up another one immediately afterwards. I'll have several days of sleeplessness followed by acute depression and self-loathing. To try and relieve the depression I start drinking again and on we go in a never ending circle.
My Sober App tells me that since September 21st 2018 I've saved £38.70 and not drank 116.1 units of alcohol in the last seven days. That may or may not sound like a lot of hooch to you. I would spend £10-£12 every other day on two bottles of wine or eight cans of beer. Plus I might have a top up if I was feeling lush.
That ignores the times when I would have a couple of days drinking on the run or the weekend benders.
In some social circles that would be considered a lot. In others not so much. It's not the amount you drink that matters. It is how badly your life is affected by what you drink, and only you can be the judge of that.
Last night was a tough one. It took all my strength to beat back the alcohol monster I shall call Gollum.
For those that don't know, Gollum (or Smeagol to give him his correct name) is the fictional character in the Lord of the rings who strangled his best friend with his bare hands to gain possession of the one ring. He later mislaid it in the Misty Mountains and spent the rest of his tortured life trying to get it back.
Gollum is my nemesis. If I starve him of what he wants most, he shrivels up and crawls back behind his rock in the dark recesses of my mind. If I feed him alcohol, he begins to take control of my life and tries to destroy me. Gollum is the alcoholic voice that you must overpower.
The benefits of not drinking alcohol are immediately apparent. If you combine abstinence with eating healthy foods, you'll look and feel a lot better very quickly. Where I went wrong in my first sobriety stretch was to eat junk food like pizza, chips and ice cream regularly on the basis that if I couldn't drink alcohol, there must be some pleasure I could derive from food to replace my loss.
This is the wrong thing to do. Firstly all that sugar you eat to replace the sugar you are not getting through your mixer drinks means that any weight loss, in the beginning, is going to be negligible. This is not good because you need to see tangible results from your not drinking to stick with the program.
It is common to blame someone who drinks too much for their lack of discipline, self-regard or willpower. She's a lush they'll say as if the lush cared about what they think of her. But what is going on under the surface is a mixture of emotions that rage like bubbles in a pan full of water reaching boiling point.
At first playful, bashful even, before becoming loud and obnoxious through falling over and spewing in the Taxi. We've all been there.
Alcohol does this. Alcohol takes you on a rollercoaster ride of emotion from the first sip to the last and everything in between. Alcohol interferes with the brain chemistry, and visible displays of drunkenness, like a plane coming into land on a windy runway, mercifully reaching the bar before crashing headfirst into the step rail are ingrained in the public unconsciousness.